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You’re passion is whimsical…should you follow it?

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When I was in high school, I was going to be an artist.  Or an illustrator.  Or a graphic designer.  Or something that dealt with art.  Ten years later, I’m a software engineer working at Launchbit.  What happened?!

Passionate Planning!

I fell into the trap of “passion planning”.  When I was young, I enjoyed art (most kids do).  I liked to draw and paint and my parents were supportive of this hobby.  I was encouraged to continue refining my skills and – at some point – convinced I wanted to become a professional artist.

I took art classes and spent seriously long hours after school working on art projects.  I worked on portfolio pieces and investigated art school.  I even considered how I’d make money (since everyone knows artists routinely starve on the streets): I’d work at a young company like Pixar in 3D and digital art.

My life was planned out, and it was doing the thing I loved:  art.

Except in my free time, I was writing a binary network protocol for some silly P2P app (remember when those were all the rage?).  When I wasn’t working on art projects, I was writing software.  At some point, without realizing it, art had turned into a job.

When I sat down to evaluate colleges I came to the harsh conclusion that I was not going to be an artist.  Given the choice between doodling or hacking…I chose the computer every time.

 

“I like dreams of the future better than the history of the past”

It is easy to fall in love with your dream of the future, the plan for your life.  It is tempting to take your passion and mold it into a plan.  There is a comfort in looking at your plan and feeling like you have your life sorted out.

But passion is whimsical and doesn’t really care about your plans.  In college, I promptly decided computer science was boring and tedious…why should I learn about Big O notation and logical induction?  I already know how to program better than anyone in my class, I’ve been doing it for years.

Now biology…that’s pretty awesome.  I can become a scientist!  I can help cure diseases!  Ooooh shiny!

Hours upon hours were spent researching papers, performing bench work, writing up presentations for lab meetings.    I watched the sun rise more than a few times while waiting for an experiment from the night before to finish.  I once fell asleep on the toilet in lab because I hadn’t slept in ages due to supervising an experiment.  I was second-author on a paper as a Junior in college and a valued contributor in our lab.

My life was planned out, and it was doing the thing I loved:  neuroscience.

But when I drug myself home after long hours of experimenting, I would often sit in front of my computer and micromanage the logistics of my export business in Eve Online.  I can attribute pretty much all my Excel skills to Eve Online.

I had a seriously elaborate set of spreadsheets to optimize my supply chain and logistics.  I researched business practices, learned about margins and cash flow, took and gave loans.  I was running a business.

And this really should have been a warning sign, but I ignored it for several more years.

 

Trendlines in your life

At this point, it seems pretty obvious to an outsider.  My real passion was the intersection of software and business.  But I allowed myself to be waylaid by fleeting curiosities   Art.  Biology.  Detours in my life because I tried to plan out what would happen with the passion du jour.

But would I change any of that?  Not a chance in hell.

Detours in your life are important, because you don’t know which road is a detour and which is the main highway of your life.  I’m a software engineer right now…but who says I will be in five years?  Perhaps I would have been a famous neuroscientist instead?  Perhaps I’ll use my knowledge of biology in some awesome union with business and software.  Experiences are important.

It’s comforting to plan your life out with your current passion…and I think this is ok.  Planning is an important part of internalizing who you are and what you are doing with your life.  But I strongly believe that you should be capable of trashing that plan when required.  Had I stuck with my plan of being a neuroscientist, happiness be damned, I’d do not doubt that I would be a decent researcher.

But I would probably be miserable and less effective than if I had dropped that plan and followed my new passion.

The real question, however, is knowing when to stick to your guns because you are just being whiny.  I don’t have a good answer to that…perhaps I will five years from now.

Notes

  • “I like dreams of the future better than the history of the past” is a quote from Thomas Jefferson

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